"How to fight loneliness", by Wilco, just played at the place I am.

It's really the first time in a long time that I've had a strong surprise emotional reaction to a song. I don't specifically like any other songs by that band, but I used to have that song on a soundtrack. Here is what it reminds me of:

Sitting on the porch at 42/44 Essex Street, in a beanbag chair. Getting a ride to the Record Exchange (with assorted roommates). Walking around backstreets, snow melting along every curb. Writing class, Cabot Cinemas, Pizza, Not knowing who my real friends will be, not knowing what's coming in the next few years (no, definitely not!)

It's quite appropriate because I'm going back to the Boston area for the first time in almost... two years... The last time was when I was following Cheese On Bread around. Remember that? Four years there, two years away, it's like nothing ever happened.

At el aeropuerto.

I love the JetBlue terminal for having vegan eggplant plane sandwiches, chocolate Silk and delicious plantain chips for me to eat and for blasting indie rock in the background (I can barely hear it, but I know it's there). Also for wireless! God bless JetBlue!

The last few days were filled with social interactions involving much energy and hardly any sleep. But it felt good! Josh was here at the same time Nell was here and we went to a show and we went to the vodka bar and we went to Odessa and I went to work in the mornings and took naps in the afternoons. I even crashed a Martin Luther King's Day brunch for a minute. And Josh came over for dinner at my parents' house. Andy and I ate fried Chick-None drumsticks for breakfast. And now it's time to get away!

I'm wearing new shoes and I've got an iPod filled with new music. I brought the good headphones that Casey got me for my birthday and I've got some new mixes of our songs. I have some presents for my sister and some plans to hang out.

My flight's in a half hour. Wish me luck! I chose a left-side window seat, like I do every time. See you on the other coast!

Love, Yoko.

P.S. - There's a link on this page that says I wrote a song called "I Believe In Immediacy". Now I wish I had. (The song actually sounds like Jeff Lewis singing a poppy Of Montreal-ish song, but it's really by a band called Black Bear.)

The end of an era.

Josh, I forgot to tell you some sad news. I know you're coming home in January and I thought it would be best if I told you now rather than you finding out on your own. Nan and I went to Jenny's Cafe in early November and I got my card stamped... and she wrote a date, mid-month, on the card. I was like, "What's this date?" She said "We close." I couldn't believe it. Sure enough, later in the month I walked by and averted my eyes. Josh, where are we going to get lychee snowmen and taro smoothies and tofu salad and green tea cake?

I'm sorry. R.I.P. Jenny's, formerly East Pearl. You were good to us.

P.S. Christmas was amazing.

Here's where it's all going on:

YOKOKIKUCHI.COM

Jacinta and I went to her work bowling party tonight at Chelsea Piers. It was fun. Afterwards we went down to the river and sat on the grass. It was chilly out but I was warm. I love my new jacket with the hood. I love my new work schedule, too. Today I worked from Grounded. Alex came and met me and then came to get an application. She wants to work in the deli.

Tomorrow, I'm going to invent a cookie.

I'm pretty convinced that Dan and I drank from a poisoned bottle of wine the other night. Wine poisoning! Who knew there was such a thing? I've been sick in bed for over 24 hours now.

It all started Tuesday night when Dan, Dibs, Angela and I were rehearsing for the show we're performing with Dan on Sunday. I was feeling OK until I drank the fateful glass. Then I threw up and went home in a cab and sweated and shivered through the night and day. Had some pretty insane lucid dreams. I love lucid dreams. Knowing for sure that your body is somewhere in a bed while your mind is in a different physical reality, feeling textures and seeing people you know are not there, is one of my favorite things in the world. In the dream I'll think, This feels real! But it's not! and I'll try and imagine how my real body feels on the mattress, and I'll be delighted when I can't feel that body, at all.

Well rabbit-fricking-rabbit. Four years ago Nell and I were sleeping over at Kate's mom's house in New Hampshire. I don't know why I know that. Probably because Kate woke us up and said "rabbit rabbit". Yes, that's probably it.

Nell was here, by the way, and I had a fever, but did that stop me? Noooo. Six Sudafeds and about fifteen capsules of olive loaf (olive leaf) later, I'm at the end of the road to recovery. That's right, I've reached Recovery! Aren't you proud of me???

She came on Friday to my work and surprised me. (I already wrote this below.) Saturday night she and Danielle came to the short-set micro-show I set up (see pictures at here). It was awesome, by the way. We had spiked cider and a million vegan cupcakes (thanks, Jacinta!) and even some raw desserts (courtesy of Ben's old roomie Kristen, who is an insane raw chef). Plus everyone who performed was incredible. Among them: Max Krauss + surf band (my parents were rocking out), Casey playing bass along with a track covering a Bruce Springsteen song (amazing), Joe and his friend Jenny in a performance he wrote (featuring him as "the naked eye"), Josh Blake as Edward Blake (rounding out the Montserrat contingent), Daoud playing a Casey/Phoebe mash-up(!!!).

Sunday we hung out for a second and I discovered my Massachusetts ID that I've been using for years is officially lost. I couldn't get a beer at Kate's Joint. Monday night we made apple crisp (missing Nicole!) at Jacinta's, with Nate. Played Royalty. Before the game I felt like total crap because my fever was kicking in. Afterwards, I felt great! Maybe it was the apple crisp, maybe the game, maybe the Excedrin.

Tuesday, Nell went back to Philly and I stayed home sick. But did I lose money over it? No! I worked from home! This new online flyer modifier is brilliant. Okay, it's actually kind of lame. But at least I can work from home or wherever I want.

Before I conclude this I have to relate a story that happened to me this morning. I was on the four train going downtown around 1:30 PM.

A "magician" boarded the train, with a metal box attached to a cart. He seemed kind of rough and clumsy and I got nervous. He started with some tricks like having a passenger pull open a drawer and a fake mouse jumped out at her (she said "HELL NO!"). Also, some tricks involving the use of cloth nets, used as magician hats (like small butterfly nets, but made of black, opaque cloth). Out of one, a real live bird appeared and flapped around a bit before he put it... back in the box (with all this other junk! waah!). It was a small white dove or pigeon, maybe. Finally he came over to me and without warning, LIFTED MY LEGS AND STUCK A NET UNDER MY BUTT. He had shown that it was empty before. After jerking the net around under my butt (and I'm in shock, and the other passengers are incredulous), he took it out and flipped it inside out and a BLACK THONG popped out. He threw it at me and when I tried to hand it to him he said in faux disgust, "Uh-uh, that's yours!" Finally he took it back into his net. At this point I was pretty embarrassed but at least still wearing my headphones so I didn't have to talk to anyone. Then he shoved the thing under me again and showed the passengers that it was empty again. We were at 42nd street then and the next stop was mine. All I can say is, watch out ladies.

Also, thank God I got my thong back!

Love, Yoko.

"You're too damn secretive! And you're only hurting yourself. You're not hurting me."

(heard through the wall, a couple of moments ago)

I'm an hour late, but happy birthday Casey. I'm sick or I would have come to Fort Greene. Yeah, yeahyeah.

I made (a) weird soup, and watched a DVD given to me by a customer. It's a short documentary he made on his parents, who are well-known architects. Oh! If you click that link you'll find out that they designed part of the Oberlin Art Museum. I've got a photo of Lexa in front of the thing, somewhere in the archives of this site. Oh, and the official site for the documentary is here.

Fun surprises! Well, first of all Thanksgiving was wonderful and fun. Kicked it in CT with Andy and the Bodors, including Angus, who is 3. After dinner I took a two-hour nap on the couch (I think from eating dairy? I did not have any turkey). Then Andy, Nick, Judy & I went out to a bar in Fairfield. At some point I talked to my dad and sister, and some more people. We played trivia games on the bar screen. Probably forty games! It was a fun time.

Today we got a train in the morning because I had to work. The second I got settled in at work, having counted my drawer, I heard someone say "Hi." I looked up and it was NELL!!!!!!!!!! I leapt over the counter in a hug. Have not seen her since last January. And she's here for a week! We'll hang out at the show tomorrow.

Oh, if you don't know already, tomorrow at 8pm this is what is happening. i set it up. you should come:

"post thanksgiving micro-show smorgasbord extravaganza with performances by all your sweethearts." TOMORROW(this saturday, November 25th, at cake shop, starting at 8pm.)
152 Ludlow Street, between Stanton and Rivington.

FREE!!!!!!!

some kind of loosely knit schedule::
8:05: edward blake! (aka, josh blake!)
8:20: art sorority for girls!
8:35: june to july!
8:50: liv carrow!
9:05: max krauss& band! (burlington, vt)
9:20: griffin!
9:35: bloodmobiles!
9:50: ZIMA! (leah moskowitz&friends)
10:05: dibs!
10:20: joe & jenny & felix's eternal novelty!
10:35: casey holford!
10:50: nan & yoko's strange drama!
11:05: chris maher!
11:20: phoebe kreutz!
11:35: secret salamander!

plus surprise appearances by more little friends. also, some vegan treats, $2 spiked hot apple cider, cookies and thangs in the mouth. you will be there.yummmm

Ooh and after work today I got a message from John Mahoney saying he was in town. I called him and it turned out he was near Union Square. We met on the corner of 3rd and 14th. I met his girlfriend. There's already a phone-picture of them up on my Flickr.

This is kind of weird/funny: I also had a text-message conversation with John Gambino today, and it turns out he remembers Andy's old band from Connecticut because his girlfriend at the time was a fan. Yep, that's coincidence for you. I guessed as much.

I had some bad experiences today with jerks in stores (not mine). I feel like I'm really lenient with, and bend over backwards for people who come in my store, and when I'm a customer I expect the same thing. Then when I don't get it I get really irate, but I can't express how I feel without being that customer. A frustrating conundrum.

On a nice note, jam with Nan at Funkadelic in an hour. Then, the beer party. In case you didn't know, Jacinta and Ben made beer. I've been looking forward to this for weeks! I'm going to make food.

Date stamp, 2001-2006.
I found it today and the date left on it was Jun 02 2002. Now it's 2006 and I can only use the thing for a little over a month longer!
I'm going to use it for everything.

no pianos indeed

Woke up feeling like today would be terrible. Then I remembered Nell was coming! I got dressed feeling better. Then I got a message from her saying that instead of being here from today through Sunday, she's flying straight to Philly and coming to New York after Thanksgiving. Bummer, Nell.

Anyway, after Thanksgiving will be good too. Maybe we'll have a party while you're here. By then I should have purchased a new camera. Maybe I'll even come down there at some point and bring you back up here with me.

Open calls to readers of this site:

1. for performers for Sat, Nov 25 (short-set post-Thanksgiving night i'm organizing! coffeehouse style 1-20 minutes each)

2. for "Panic-Tacular" holiday craft fair and bake sale Saturdays Dec 16 & 23! Tables will be $25 or so. Sell some awesome gifts to frenzied last-minute holiday shoppers. More details tba.

Please respond to me here: yokokikuchi at gmail.com

Oh! and I did put up those pictures. Click "detail view" for best chronological viewing.

Me: This is insane!

New Guy: What?

In it for the long haul at Grounded. I walked in and my jaw dropped. They expanded about 30 feet in the back! It's awesome in here. Creamsicle walls, hanging plants, shelves of books, red velvet couch. I'm impressed. I swear I come in here all the time, but maybe I took a hiatus. Of apparently more than three weeks.

It was very pretty and sunny today, but I pretty much missed it. It's going to be dark soon. Mornings, mornings. I should appreciate those night shifts more in the winter.

Atlantic City was a dream come true. Pictures to be posted soon, on my new, upgraded Flickr account. Me and the Leader sur la (rainy) plage, gambling at the Hilton, over biscotti and coffee, and of course: Lucy, the tin elephant. Not to mention Sam drumming with Michael Amante. To a ballroom filled with senior citizens, me, and Julie. It was insane. Oh, and I won $100.

Dinner with the fam later. We're doing take-out tonight.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAN!

Crap, you're having a party tonight, and I have to work in the morning. But I really want to go. Last year's party was fun. That seems really recent right now. Weird. Okay, but I just got home and I'm listening to Metric and drinking a beer and thinking of you. I will make you another birthday mix cd soon. I'm so glad you liked last year's so much. Unfortunately I still listen to the same old shit basically. But maybe there will be something awesome.

The good thing is that it's only not even SIX PM right now. (Even though it's been dark out and feels like it's nine.) That means I could probably hang here for five hours and still make your party. I just might do that, even if I have to be all tired for work tomorrow morning. I'm all indecisive. So, if I don't make it, please forgive me. I was at that coffee shop on Union across from Kellogg's all afternoon and then I finally came home and now I'm going to take a shower and try and email everybody back about all the shows and things I have to coordinate. Speaking of which do you want to play or perform at the night of experimental short sets I'm setting up on the Saturday after Thanksgiving? That would be awesome. And I'm happy you're 25 now. It's a nice age to be, as far as I know.

Love, Yoko.

PS. You looked great on Halloween.

"hi yerka, your photos from europe are great! casey is looking hotter than ever! ugly betty looks only like young yerka, and seems to have a cluelessness that you never had. i've never seen the show. we don't watch tv! we play video games."

- josh

Tally is up. Another woman came into my work and said I look like "the betty". Two days later she was back dressed as a devil, and said it again, and an hour later she came in with a disposable camera and took a picture.

Even my mom says that I look and carry myself like her. We have a date to watch the show this next time. Hmm... I hope I agree.

Pictures from Europe are here:

{ September 23-30, 2006 }

Also: Daoud's version

There are more of mine, in Polaroid form, that have yet to be scanned.

I also updated the Pictures section of this website. I'm caught up through July!

Now if I can just fix my guestbook.

Kathryn, Ryan and Alan just stopped in for a visit.
In some ways they're a lot like bizarro Jacinta, Ben and Ichabod.

Two people so far have told me I look like Ugly Betty. Tally is still in effect.

Went to Dumbo Art Festival today and yesterday. Yesterday, Joe and Felix's installation, "Early Childhood Tours". It was lovely. I like those guys a lot. Today, my mom and Charles and I visited Susie at her open studio. Susie's my mom's friend who was her studio assistant when I was a baby. She must have been younger than me at the time.

Mom made me a beautiful scarf. I'm afraid to wear it outside because I might lose it.

We made dinner (eggplant, rice, broccoli, shiitake mushrooms, and tofu-hijiki stirfry) and then took some pictures for Kathryn's photo class. Alan fixed my Fender acoustic guitar. I felt so resourceful because everything Alan asked me for I had on hand -- needlenose pliers, sandpaper, cardboard, wood glue. No clamps though, we weighted it with Mom's old five-pound dumbbell and the autoharp.

Today I went to the most beautiful place. The park by the river, in between the Manhattan and Brooklyn bridges. The weather was perfect and there were lots of people and lots of perfect clouds.

I don't know how I feel about art made by people who I'll never know. I don't know why music is different. All of the art I ever want to make is about my friends and people that I know or have known. Whenever I go to a place where I can see art by hundreds of people, I get the feeling that nothing really matters. If anyone has any good theories let me know.

Now that my room is awesome again, I'll be welcoming visitors! We'll meet here and head to the orchard to pick apples. Love, Yoko.

"I'm not cleaning my room, per se... I'm just making it look good, messy."

- me

(Been back almost a week! It feels good. I got paid more for not working than I would have for working. Went shopping yesterday. Got a meeting tonight. Oh, and happy birthday Milena! And the other six people who I know whose birthdays are today.)

Hallo!
Another Internet cafe. We played two great gigs - last night at Schokoloden, which is awesome, and two nights before that at Hotelbar, also rad. One last show before we go, tonight!

On our first day here, Sibsi was our walking tour guide and he brought us all around his neighborhood (Kreuzberg 36) and we went to this amazing canalside restaurant where we were introduced to the best drink ever (even more delicious and inventive than wine and coke, Mom!) It's beer mixed with Sprite, and it's called an Alster (pronounced more like Eidster). That's all the three of us have been drinking ever since.

The second night here we had the night off and so we went to see the Brooklyn bands Japanther and the Good Good. Meanwhile I was watching the girl from the latter band sing and realized that a)we did rock camp together and b)I was introduced to her later by Andy one night at Cake Shop. She remembered me right away. Crazy!

Last night's show was especially cool because we knew half the audience. Sibsi, Heiko, Christine, Turner Cody, Andre, Clemence, Jules and Dom were among them. It felt just like being in New York, except for all the indoor smoking, and the Alsters, and the free Jager shots, and me ordering drinks in German.

Anyway, lots of good pictures forthcoming on a soon-to-be-created Flickr page, most likely, because we've all been taking pictures separately.

I'll be back tomorrow afternoon. I can't believe it! I feel like it's been two months, not two weeks. And that's what I've always liked about traveling.

BERLIN!!!!!!!!!!!

Gotta make this a quick one. We're off to Scottish Dom's house soon. At the Dunkin Donuts internet cafe, near the train station. Tonight we play Hotelbar.

We had quite a laugh of surprise on the train because we had assigned bunks, not seats, since it was an overnight train. I slept surprisingly well. Our bunkmates were a French girl named Maribelle and two older German people.

More soon. I'm excited to be here finally. Enough of the French language! Not to say we didn't meet the nicest people in the universe. The second night in Bordeaux, we stayed at Jimmy's sweet apartment. Capucine is the woman who set up the shows for us, and Jimmy is her boyfriend. He looks a lot like Chris and even more like Mark Lies. Nutty!

Just letting you know that we are staying at the most beautiful house in Bordeaux, which is the most amazing city, with the most perfect family in the world, who also happen to be the nicest people I've met.

Plus we played a packed show last night in the basement of a really sweet venue who gave us free dinner, wine, beer, and money.

We love Bordeaux so much we changed our train tickets and are staying another night (and playing another show!!!). Nell, Melanie said she's coming!!!

The house belongs to the family of a girl named Clementine, who Daoud met last summer. Her parents are sweet and amazingly generous. She has one little sister and one college-age brother. Their house is a century old with walls all different shades of yellow, and stained-glass back doors that lead out into the sweetest little garden. With wild grapes growing along the fence. And it's perfect sunny weather with those dark clouds in the distance like you only see in paintings. Amazing.

Excuse me while I go soak it up. More soon, I promise.

Bonjour! I'm in Paris! That's all. There was an Internet cafe in Antwerp too, but it would not let me update this. So, here I am. I'm having a bit of trouble communicating and I swear that next time I'm here I will know a bit more French. I'm across from the Pompidou, so I think I will go there soon. I have been here an hour already and it's not quite so cheap as the one in Antwerp, which had blue plastic tables like lumpy organic stone cave-tables, and was half price for those under 25. This place has a computer with an English keyboard for the retarded like myself. I would have updated this sooner but my mom's laptop is not working at the hotel for some reason.

Surprisingly I have found things to eat. A lot of couscous. Did you know it's really good with cinnamon and raisins over salad? Delicious!

It's been a lovely set of days... Yesterday had many parts to it. I woke up at Andy's and went to work. Worked from seven-thirty till almost four. Alex surprise-met me at work and we walked to the east side for coffee (and she got falafel). She's been living on a farm upstate that grows organic vegetables, coming back to the city on Thursdays. We sat in the park. At five-thirty her friend Liz came and I left to go meet Jacinta, Ben, and Ben's babysitting charge, Milo, who's 7 or 8 and goes to PS3 like I did. We ate dinner at Dojo. Walked to Moo Shoes. J & I took the M train and she went home and I went to Dashan and Gerlinde and Michael's house. Blackberry brandy sodas for dessert. Then back to Williamsburg to pick up some Food Swings and played the word-card-game Royalty till all hours of the night with Jacinta, Ben and Gina.

Today I woke up and walked to St. Helen's for coffee. Bought some records, ogled magazines, got the cables I've been needing to hook up my speakers to laptop and/or ipod (record player someday). I've been wearing the same thermal shirt in the eighty-degree weather to create my own heat wave and preserve summer for a minute. It's working, I recommend it.

Later in the Bronx I bought eggplant and an avocado. Wrote a letter and went to the post office. Talked to Chris and Casey to finalize the permanent 7" artwork. Now I'm working on unpacking some boxes and throwing things out, like old shoes. It's hard to do.

Ann says she's going away for October. She's going to go live with her dad and sister. I was having similar thoughts for future days of joblessness (not necessarily within a year or anything): working on the family farm? living with Grandma for a summer again? getting my driver's license? moving to san francisco finally?

Mom, I'll call you tonight...

love, yk.

PS. Not to mention the other night: dinner at Shareena & Zach & Nate's new place = awesome amazing and fun. They live on W 9th Street (at Smith/9th) in Carroll Gardens now. The apartment is beautiful and so are they. We ate artichokes.

We're all an hour early for work because it's Labor Day! Me, Marin, Diana and Ser. I could have slept a whole 'nother hour. Went to bed at 10:30-ish and woke up at six. Listened to "Reject All American". Feeling better. Going to Phoebe's barbecue later. Charging my phone. I got a long accidental voice message from Nan which is a bunch of people on her roof having a drunk conversation. Nan, Dibs, Major Matt, and some unidentifiable voices. I'm listening to it now. I think they're talking about Urban Barnyard. Awesome!

Leisurely, I'm going to go fill some trays, eat some breakfast, count some cash, fill the change box maybe, a little XM radio stations (non-approved), some brown rice with goddess dressing and cashews for breakfast... See you later...

Mucho negativity in the air. I'm exhausted from turning 25. Thanks to everyone who helped me have an awesome birthday weekend. The release show on Friday was the best night ever. After which I must have felt some postpartum whatnot mixed with awful rainy weather. Last night Jacinta was so awesome to have a party half in my birthday honor and I almost did not go. I was not feeling like socializing at all. Andy and I had gone to his friends' sandwich party and I wanted to go home and to bed and that's when Jacinta called me and told me I had to come and we did go but it was an awkward drunk time. Mad social anxiety attack season. I don't even want to write emails! Today I had a nice late lunch with Angela and a movie date and bubble tea date with selfsame lovely lady. That was a nice time and the weather had improved. We saw A Scanner Darkly (which made my brain hurt and I almost fell asleep I was that tired, nonetheless I enjoyed it, I don't go to movies hardly ever) and had eaten at Red Bamboo on 4th Street. And I got a free bubble tea for having ten stamps on my card!

Tonight I arrived home, having left my cell phone dead and at work along with favorite sweatshirt, to two cold emails and a myspace message that hurt. You can go to the myspace page of this guy (myspace.com/bricklane) and see that his only blog is a negative rant on the fact that I have a comment box, but people who aren't my friends can't leave comments. Sorry, I didn't invent MySpace and make it the way that it is. I use it for communication with my friends and not so some strangers can comment on me.

At St. Helen's Cafe, home of the best iced coffee in the world. Mostly because it's secretly an Americano. They just naturally make it that way. Julie & Sam turned me onto it. Apparently the guy with the beard makes it better than the moppy haired guy, but I think it's good either way. Regular iced coffee is pretty disgusting in comparison.

The waitress here is named Sara. I met her in front of Sidewalk at least two years ago. She was there with her boyfriend, having just moved from North Carolina. Then I saw them in a magazine, in their band's profile. Then I saw them open for the Muffs. The Comas, I think they were called. I remember Ann & Jared hating them. Oh yeah, and I liked them, but I hated the second band that opened, Visqueen, whose CD Ann ended up buying. I was pissed.

Last night I meant to participate in Major Matt's sound project (Musical Chairs). Instead I fell asleep at like 5 pm. Maybe 6. Then woke back up at 4 am. Took a shower. Made a hijiki tofu salad. I don't recommend using Wildwood High Protein Tofu for it (too firm). Texted Drew to see if he wanted to swap shifts with me (no reply). Went back to sleep. Woke up at 10.

I'm not looking forward to work. I'd better leave here soon, I guess. Mmmmm. I had two coffees. I'm good to go!

Love, Yoko

PS. Oh, also on the list of borrowed items:
11. Mom's Digital Elph (borrowed by accident)
12. Mom's All-Time Favorite Gray/Grey Striped Hat (on purpose)

Sorry Mom. Got the email. I have them in my bag.

Bad borrower.

Here is the list of things I borrowed over the past two years (!!!) and have yet to give back, and the poor trustful people who lent them to me / I stole from, In somewhat backwards chronological order.

1. TV On The Radio - Desperate Youth CD (Daoud)
2. The Fever - In the City of Sleep CD (Andy / Cake Shop Used Bin)
3. X - The Unheard Music Video (The Leader)
4. Creaky Boards - Where's The Sunshine CD (Casey)
5. The Evens CD (Casey)
6. The Books - Thought For Food CD (Casey)
7. Six Feet Under - The Complete First Season (Emily's friend Morgan)
8. Pavement - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain (Dibs)
9. Frank Black - Teenager Of The Year (Jordan)
10. Pink H&M Sweater (Kelly from the Besties)

Um, there are probably more things. This is bad. I have some art from our CD party back in Feb '05 too. Jess Fairbanks, Toby Goodshank, Mike Rechner. What am I going to do?

"Man we were mean but funny at the same time.

Most of the time if something is funny, it is because it is mean."

Whoops, I pasted the thing I copied two times ago instead of last time. That's from an email from Kate. I think I may have accidentally emailed her at work about subject matter that is not so legal. Sorry.

What I really meant to copy and paste was this:

"hello,

J'ai obtenu votre information par la recommandation de Major Matt Mason du groupe Schwervon! and Olive Juice Music ici dans New York, et aussi notre ami Jeffrey Lewis. J'espère que vous m'excuserez pour mon français pauvre.

Je suis un de trois musiciens qui viendra å Paris entre 23-25 septembre. Nous sommes Yoko Kikuchi (du groupe Dream Bitches, Olive Juice Music), Daoud Tyler-Ameen (du groupes Art Sorority and Urban Barnyard, et moi, Casey Holford (Dream Bitches, Urban Barnyard, et solo.) Nous avons forme recemment un groupe en collaboration pour nos chansons, et pour relacher sur vinyl sur le nom "daouets."

Pour un peux de nos projets on peut visiter myspace: http://www.myspace.com/dreambitches http://www.myspace.com/casey http://www.myspace.com/artsorority4girls

C'est possible que vous pouvoir recommander quelques evenement pour ce genre de musique, peut-etre avec des artistes locales? Assistance ou information serait bien appreciee, n'importe de quoi.

Merci beaucoup pour lire, et j'espere entendre de vous.

regards,
Casey Holford"

Euro-tour here we come.

What? The thirty-first already?

Today is my aunt Lorraine's birthday... She's the one who lives in Carroll Gardens. I should give her a call. She doesn't call on my birthday or anything, but that's OK. I haven't seen her in at least a year and a half, probably.

I'm supposed to write my tour bio. What do I write? I should have known this iced coffee was a waste of money. It isn't working because I ate too much food today. And you know what? The guy says he stirred the chocolate syrup in, but I don't believe he even put any in at all. I almost hope that's true because it's so stupid.

I'm stressing out because I need a new notebook because I need to write a new song because I'm playing a solo gig because Sara Bee asked me to. Yikes. A song slacker. But really, I wasn't always like this.

Man! I was pissed last night. I found out when I was on the bus to Philadelphia that my best friend at work was fired. She's fine, she already found a job making more money, plus she got severance pay. So it's all good for her. The store, on the other hand, is driving itself straight to hell.

I woke up around 11 and bungee-corded my laptop bag to the back of my (mom's) bike, and came down here to Ants Pants. I love it! It's the hottest day of the year. It was wicked easy to bring a bike on the bus. Last night N. and I got vegetarian Chinese food at Singapore, and then biked to her house, and then to Whole Foods (in the POURING rain!) and back to her house. It felt like swimming. Awesome. We went to a bar and got 14 jukebox plays for $4 and then came back to her house and made cookies and cream milkshakes. I'm glad we didn't get the CORN flavored ice cream that she wanted.

Today we'll probably bike around and eat more things. That's what we like. I'm coming back to the city at some point. THE city meaning not this one.

I've got an itinerary for Europe in September. You don't know how excited I am.

Sept 16 ---> Antwerp
Sept 19 ---> Paris
Sept 23(?) ---> Berlin

I've been to Europe three times but never to any of these cities. Have you? Tell me things!

Double iced soy mocha! I love Grounded. I want to live here. Speaking of coffee shop:

Dear Nicole Thompson, I was planning on visiting tomorrow. What's the deal? Did you take off work? Should I visit anyway? I think I was planning on getting there tomorrow evening and leaving the following afternoon, if that's okay. If that's stupid, I could stay another day and leave Saturday afternoon. Or I could come a different weekend. Thursdays are good for me like that though. That's when I get paid and walk around with a wad of cash on me like a rich-ass mofo. Let me know asap. I'm working today at 2 so you can call me there at this number: 212 243 2642 x 0. Xo, Yoko.

Catie Zappala added me on her band page and I really like those songs. Awesome!

Who wants to come to NYC to play the ultimate Montserrat reunion show?

Dear reader,

Thanks to you if you came to the Willie Mae showcase. Angela, Casey, Dibs and his sister April, Ann, Jared, Jacinta. Yeah! The band I coached, the Soundgirlz, pulled their song together at the last minute. Ha, they really do take after me.

Okay/Ready? Okay, so Ann was leaving the house the other day to come to that show. She turns from locking our front door and what lands on our railing behind her? A small, green parrot. She looks around her and nobody is watching. Within ten minutes she is feeding the thing birdseed (its wings are clipped, it just walks down the railing using its claws and beak) and it walks up her shirt and sits on her shoulder. Carol comes home to take over and Ann shows up that night with a parrot manual and a great story (which I have abbreviated here).

Needless to say, we have a parrot. His name is Gregory. Her friend Kim in Pennsylvania is going to take him though, because of the cats.

In precisely thirty-six minutes, Phoebe's coming to meet me to hang out. I don't believe we haven't hung out in over a month. Maybe two. Or three. Jeez. We need to get a serious happy hour margarita or something.

Later: Olivia, ex-deli-girl, is back in town for a second. She quit and moved to Arizona a few months ago. I'm meeting up with her, Kristy, Andrew, the regular back-of-the-store crowd. Whoot!

I sat in the backyard with giant iced coffee and an umbrella and called the old roommates. There was something in the Sucanat that looked like a mealworm but I think it was just a white thing.

Come to the Willie Mae Showcase tonight if you want to see sixteen bands of little girls play one song each. Five bucks, six pm, 64th and Central Park West.

Date: Jul 21, 2006 1:35 AM
Subject: No Subject
Body: HAY IS THIS YOKO FROM PARKWAY MIDDLE SCHOOL THIS IS PRINCE UM IF SO E-MAIL ME AT

MYSPACE/DEEPTHOUGHT1

I NEVER KNEW YOU DYED YOUR HAIR RUSTY AT THE BOTTOM AND I DIDN'T KNOW ANA WAS A BERNET

An hour ago:

Customer (points to her stomach, indicates mine): Baby?
Me: NO!!!!!!

Please note revised ending of previous exchange, three entries down. I hate everyone.

P.S. Om Shanthi.

In my room, once again having gotten home at a normal hour (9 pm) and once again staying up too late to get a normal amount of sleep.

Maybe I should finally tell you the story of when I called 911.

Two:

A guy walks into my work. He's in his fifties, a regular customer but I don't recognize him right away. Immediately he shows Cheten, who is cleaning candy shelves, a walnut in its shell. He says "I want to do a taste test!" He goes back to the bulk section. Zach runs up a second later and says "WHO IS THAT GUY, HE'S OUT OF HIS MIND". I walk back and he's all up in a cute old lady's face at the deli, crying hysterically and saying she reminds him of his mother. I lead him away and he re-focuses, demanding a trail mix of every raw nut (and maybe some roasted ones) and some fresh fruit, cut up in it. He flashes money and credit cards and says he's friends with Manu (our boss). I try and treat him like a regular old eccentric but I am already quite alarmed. Kristy and I try and get him what he wants and get him out of the store.

Eventually it comes out that he's gone off his medication as I'm trying to help him in body care and Kristy leads him across the street to Vitamins where he buys some kind of kids' immune system tincture and clearly he keeps making bigger and bigger demands (the ultimate smoothie! the ultimate trail mix!) Also at the vitamin store he said something about KILLING ME (with "touch, scent, and taste!") and then goes for a walk, leaving Kristy his card... Diana from across the street is freaking out... This is when I call 311 to file a report, get transferred to 911 and get the cops over there. Keep in mind that I had a brush with the fuzz the previous Friday (this event happened last Wednesday) so I am doubly alarmed when I'm telling them what happened. He doesn't come back until after they leave, which is when Kristy starts making his smoothie, Ben is outside talking to him (apparently he says some lucid things, about wanting to calm down, etc.), Cheten's staying late and Bianca's ringing on my drawer while I'm calling 911. Ten minutes later they come back and see him wandering off down the block, fitting our previous description... Eventually the cops are detaining him on the stoop I usually eat lunch on. We give him the smoothie and he chain-smokes until the ambulance arrives to cart him off to the psych ward. Leaving behind two additional untouched cups of smoothie, which contains every fruit, vegetable, and nut you can think of. Needless to say I did not taste it.

Four years ago tonight I played my first real solo gig in the city. I should have gone to the open mic, but I was tired and bumming out (unsure of how I feel about rock camp so far, and also today I gave Dibs a book for his birthday that it turns out he already read, on the plane). I also should be at Otto's watching the Baby Skins / Nan Turner / Lisa Li-Lund, but I'm supposed to sleep. Instead I'm dyeing the ends of my hair black.

Love.

Happy Birthday Dibs!

The funny stuff continues at work. This morning when I went in, at eight-thirty or so, the gate was down. I let myself in through the Institute (key, elevator, all that crap), went to the front and looked in the cup of keys. The purple key-ring was nowhere to be found. If you don't already know, all 47 or so keys in the cup are mystery keys, except the ones on the purple key-ring. So, I had no way to unlock the gate. Also, if you don't know, spare keys are few and far-between at IYNF. The employees started showing up for work and staring at me through the glass and gate and I shrugged at them and made dumb helpless motions with my hands. I thought of calling the monks upstairs, or looking for a lock clipper in the basement. I made phone calls to Jacinta and Drew (who I actually ran into late last night at a show). When I finally got back out through the Institute to let the employees in, it was ten minutes till opening time, and guess who showed up with the keys? The fricking security guard who closed with Drew last night. Jeez.

Yesterday Andy and I went on the world's longest bike ride. From Carroll Gardens to Coney Island (Siren Festival!), then to Bushwick at night for the show (Carla Bozulich!!! holycrap) and then to Dibs' not-so-surprise party (full of everybody) and then to Kellogg's (with Jacinta) and then back to Carroll Gardens. That's like, probably fifteen miles or more. Well, first we'd gone to the Paping Soapbox Derby in Brooklyn Heights. Siren was rad, we didn't really hardly watch anybody, but we did get beers and fries and a scam of a pina colada, rode the cyclone, and ran into BOTH Nick Kimbrell AND Kelly Rakowski. Nick, Andy and I were at Nathan's when Andy said "Look, it's Ann" as a joke based on a vintage looking yellow dress and I turned and it was Kelly. It was a Montserrat reunion over fish and chips.

After rock camp orientation (starts tomorrow!) I went to Nan and Matt's on a second wind fueled by iced coffee and finished the art for their forthcoming 7" called Cotton Mouth which is coming out on French label Deux Mille.

One point five (Tuesday night):

Fay (customer): Hi! Wow!

Me (unsuspecting): What?

Fay: Nice to see you! You got fatter!

Me: What?

Fay: It is you, right? (checks my nametag) Yeah!

Me: Uh...

Fay (totally friendly): You got fatter and darker!

Me: (blank stare)

Fay: Whatchoo looking at me like that for?

Me: You just called me fat.

Fay (all smiles): No, you're not FAT, you just got FATTER! Take it as a compliment! (Pauses.) You're not having a baby, are you?

I'm not kidding.

A lot of eventful shit.

One:

Last Friday I was a)apprehended and then b)arrested for a)flyering on avenue a and b)retardedly trying to walk away.

Here is what I remember:

-walking up avenue a, flyering for our show that night
-cop car pulling up (12 PM)
-resisting summons
-handcuffs
-text messaging in the van while cuffed
-four hours at the precinct, doing yoga (lots of shoulder-stand), smoking three stale marlboros (when i was sick of yoga)
-fingerprints (dry hands)
-phone calls (casey, ann, julie, mom)
-arresting officer talking to me about music and asking if i know who jewel is
-peeing in the bathroom
-things i got to keep on me (52 dollars, keys minus carabiners, credit cards, ID, receipt for my possessions in safekeeping), thank goodness for cargo pockets
-car to central booking (along with a 42-year-old man who was arrested for shoplifting tweezers from rite-aid, who said he would be ashamed if his 25-year-old son found out)
-the women's cell, with about ten other women (5 PM)
-peanut butter sandwich and milk (eating neither)
-watching the news (6 PM), jeopardy (7 PM)
-being interviewed by a woman with a palm pilot
-crying when i realized i'd miss singing with the leader, who were scheduled to be on at 10:30, and i'd been told i'd be out at like 1 AM
-sleeping
-being brought to the holding cell (9:30), being told the judge would be back at 10:45
-listening to stories (one girl and her three-way relationship, another who was arrested fighting with the bathroom attendant at webster hall)
-"moffie" carved on the wall
-webster hall girl talking to a guy in the guy's cell, making a date
-the d.a. (who looked like guy from kids in the hall) laughing and saying "you gotta be kidding" while reading my file, telling me to plead not guilty -getting called to the courtroom (11:30)
-walking up to the stand, saying nothing, only having the judge say "case dismissed, be good for six months" and being shooed out, thanking kids in the hall guy, unhooking the rope, freedom
-running into a 20-year-old crusty punk kid from seattle named ugly josh who was getting off same as me, who had been in for sleeping in east river park
-giddy with disbelief and high on being outside, buying the kid cigarettes and a metrocard to get back to see-squat
-calling casey
-taking the 6 and telling our stories (he was traveling from seattle to maine on freight trains with his girlfriend)
-RUNNING to unionpool
-catching the leader right as i was scheduled to be onstage with them, for their second-to-last song!
-!!!!!

I drank beers and danced. I don't think I'd ever been more excited to arrive at a show. It felt so good to see everyone. Casey, Jacinta, Nan, Matt, Dibs, Ann, Toby, Betsy, and of course Julie and Sam.

I picked up my stuff at the precinct the following day.

Two:

Yesterday I called 911 for the first two times in my life.

(to be continued...)

awesomest july 4th:

saw belle and sebastian in the park for free, courtesy of new friend josh. daoud was there too with his yale friends.

i'm listening to new(ish) album, possibly it's growing on me.

then the three of us went to OJ roof for fireworks and awesome with: nan, matt, phoebe, angela, dashan, casey, dibs, dan, neil, lisa li-lund, and dibs' two danish (?) girlfriends. later, sam james (ex-grossman) and lippe. earlier lippe had been with the trachtenburgs' group over on the roof of that building with the wonky clock on top, over on ave a. our group yelled "TRACHTENBURGS" and their group yelled "OLIVE JUICE". we totally heard it. rad.

the fireworks were not as visible as they could have been. there was one set to our north and one to our south. got a view from the top of the fence, which was pretty decent.

happy birthday ann!!!!!!!!!

things i am excited for:

bike rides
not working tomorrow
seeing b&s in the park
fireworks, rooftops
talking on the phone


things i am bummed about:

dashan not being my co-worker
not feeling like i can finish my to-do list for today

the good things outweigh the bad, but i'm still cranky tonight. i should go to bed and wake up on july 4th.

Camping with Jacinta and Ben (short version):

I'm back in the city, with nine minutes on the prepaid internet card. Came straight from my parents' house where I took the much-needed shower and did some laundry and saw my mom off to Florence (giving her and Charles the gift of fudge from our favorite place in Montauk).

This morning the three of us woke up at sunrise, having illegally camped on a beautiful beach on the bay, where we did not have such a good night's sleep, having heard a very large animal outside our tent five hours previous (after an awesome campfire with hobo dinners and vegan s'mores!) We hiked back along the rocks, back to the road where we called a cab and rode back into town. Ate some breakfast and went straight to the real beach, on the ocean, where we slept a couple hours more, and then swam. Waves! After lunch we caught the train, where I slept even longer.

I'm downtown now, having ridden my bike (first time this year!). I feel good, tan, summery. More on the trip later.

love, Y.

Getting my "442" fix from my favorite creepy Ave A chain coffee shop. According to Nicole, as you might remember, that's chai with two shots of espresso... according to the Atomic. I miss that place bad.

Been thinking about Beverly sometimes lately. Corinna stayed with me two nights (one of which was after our barbecue on the 16th) and I also saw Sara and Mark and Alisha and Matt at the Renegade Craft Fair two days in a row! (For the life of me.. I can't remember Matt's last name...) I bought a guitar strap that Alisha made, which I debuted last night. I think I owe the old college town a visit this summer. I'm going to try and make that happen.

Last night at Fontana's we played a show with Black Sonny, a band fronted by the son of a friend of my mom's. His name is Micah, he's actually pushing 40 and has a kid of his own. They sounded pretty rad. The sound at that place is really decent, no wonder Ann was excited to play there. Too bad it's one of those creepy slick LES clubs popping up all over (a la Fat Baby, ugh). Dibs was our sub-drummer (second time this year!) because poor Jenny was out with food poisoning. From eggplant, of all things! I can't believe it. Anyway, my mom and Charles stuck around for all three bands. Dibs and Casey and I got drunk on these awful cheap beers that tasted like honeyed ham, in the best way possible.

The other amazing thing about yesterday was that after work, I wandered over to the Astor Place Starbucks on a tip and found that there was a line wrapped around the block of people waiting for free Belle and Sebastian tickets. I followed the line till I found someone I knew, who just happened to be Sara Bee. We waited together for at least 40 minutes, inching along, talking (which I don't think we had ever done for longer than a minute), until of course we were informed there were no more tickets. We waited around for another 15 just to be sure. Then we went and got coffee (NOT from starbucks!!) and sat in the park. She worked on her report cards (yes, she just got done teaching her first year of NYC public school kindergarten!) and I wrote in my book.

Later, I found out I'd be attending the show after all.

I haven't been doing June justice. I've been working six days a week for the past three weeks (thank goodness for overtime). I'll say that it's been fun anyhow. Yes! I'm much more likely to hang out these days.

In other news: The Return of The Common Boar. According to N., "this time it's just going to be drawings."

Items of interest from today's basement excavation at parents' house:

one 50s-style bathing suit from sf thrift store, late 90s

forgotten box of frame vignettes (artschool senior thesis)

summer sack (my bag, from summer '02)

green poncho (for camping trip this friday!)

GAME BOY (!!!)

I'm slowly clearing out my storage... very slowly. It'll be gone by the time I'm thirty like you said, I swear, Mom.

Happy Birthday Nicoley! I'm 45 minutes late. I know. I meant to call you today on my break but I know you'll forgive me. Because we had a good time! I'm glad you had a good birthday! It sounds like you did.

Guess what. They got our VERY OWN WIRELESS working today! No more stealing from the neighbors! I'm sitting in Jared's room but I'm realizing I could probably be sitting in MY ROOM doing this. Maybe I will do that, in a minute.

And before I forget: Happy Birthday Charles! See you tonight!

waiting for chicken
nicoley is on the bus!
i'm sitting at alt

Nan and I are going to get dinner.

A fun day.

Meeting #3 of Brunch Club (Phoebe, Neil, Dashan, Ann, Angela, Casey and I), this time at Around the Clock. Surprisingly, one of the waiters who worked there WHEN I WORKED THERE (1998!) still works there. I didn't say hi. He wouldn't have remembered. We also gave Chris Maher's phone number to the waitress when we paid. Oh yeah, Chris, Daoud and Dan bailed on us.

I had eggs florentine.

What else? At brunch I tried to figure out the equation that would correspond to the truth that if there are two people born in the same century, during a particular year the younger of the two will turn the age of the last two digits of the birth year of the elder, and vice versa. For instance, next week Daoud is traveling to Florida to celebrate birthdays with his grandma who has the same birthday as he does. Daoud was born in 1984 and is turning 22, while his grandmother was born in 1922 and is turning 84. When I'm 50 (and I was born in 1981), my mom who was born in 1950 will be turning 81.

It's maybe this: if x is the year one person is born and y is the year the other person is born, and z is the year the occurrence happens, then z=(x+y)-1900. This only works for people born in the 1900s. If you start combining birth years from the 1900s and 2000s, you start having to subtract 2000 at some point, I don't know which point. Give me a break.

1981 plus 1950 is 3931, minus 1900 is 2031. That's when it'll happen for us, Mom! Are you ready?!

Phoebe went to work and the rest of us L-trained it to Brooklyn where we sat in front of that cafe on Grand St on a bench eating truck ice cream. We ran into Lisa Li-Lund, and then Mark O showed up. We had our Dream Bitches recording session scheduled with him a half hour later. That went well. Four hours later we were ready for some Food Swings and thrift shopping.

Now I'm home, and very beat.

Goodnight!